Hey guys I need really 10 best jokes
1. Why did the rooster cross the road?
A: He had his <o<k stuck in the chicken
2. A guy called up the Home Shopping Network one late night. The woman on the other end said, "Can I help you?" He replied, "Nope. Just looking!"
3. A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in crap up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with crap up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with crap up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, "I pick this room." Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, "O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!"
4. A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?" He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the bar, and says, slowly: "Paint…my…house."
5. Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. "I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby. "I can’t leave," the doctor says. ‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground." The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks. "He saysbest funny jokes you’re gonna die."
6. "Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore." "Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do." said the doctor. The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on." The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
7. One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
8. A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger boobs'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your boobs for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make my boobs bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your butt!' says the boyfriend.
9.How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A: It's not hard.
10.A Construction Worker is Working on thbest funny jokese 8th floor of a Building and his partner is on the 6th with all the equipment. the construction worker realizes that he needs a drill, he looks through the un-built floor and sees his partner and yells "I NEED A DRILL", but since it is a construction site it is very loud and they cannot hear each other. the construction worker then starts to make gestures, he points at his eye "I" then his knee "Need" mouths the letter A and makes a Drilling motion with his hand. His Partner sees him and nods, then he pulls down his pants and begins to masturbate. In confusion and anger, he goes down to the 6th floor to see what the hell was going on. When he gets down there, he yells at his partner "WTF Was that!? I Said I Needed a Drill!" his Partner replies " I Know, I said I was coming"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Q: What is this long (put hands apart about a foot wide) is rock hard and makes a woman scream all night long?
A: Cot death. (S.I.D.S)
Why do mice laugh so loud??
Because there cheese was made in a helium factory
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